Sometimes, and often when I read Neil Gaiman? I think I
could be a writer. And then I proceed to not-write for a very long time. Why is
that? Obviously it has something to do with my continued obsession with thinking
about just about everything I could possibly do and not doing any of them.
Course, I’m changing that, and doing three or four right now: taking classes
toward nursing, electricity (solar) and ASL (not that I’d be able to interpret
for another decade or so, at the rate I’m learning, but it’s still fun, and
been on my list of things to do/learn for ages) and um, also got some headshots
done for future potential acting/modeling. Hah. Okay, got it out.
Anyway, I've decided that what I lack is certainly not
ideas, but rather the audacity to discard them. I can’t stand letting go of
possibilities, and so I try to wrangle everything all at once. It works occasionally— I've combined trips, or attended
multiple parties in one night—but at some point, I've got to just embrace
something and go for it. (This is when I am about to write, “and then when I want
a career change, I can come back to the others!” but I’m afraid unlike most people who want a
career change after 15 or 20 years, I’ll want it after 6 months. Curses. )
In the end, our careers do not define us. Or shouldn't. So it’s okay if I don’t manage to find my
dream job, or something that fits me perfectly, or I am excited to do (except
for some Monday mornings) and actually enjoy… Yeah, I actually want a job I
enjoy, so scratch that. And then I come
back to the idea of vocation, rather than just occupation. Way back in high school (you know, ‘cause that
was *so* long ago) I wrote down a quote about your vocation being the place
where your deep gladness and the world’s great hunger meet. Which is a
perfectly wonderful, if slightly idyllic definition, and would make this whole
deciding so much easier…if only I knew WHERE MY DEEP GLADNESS was! My PASSION.
I’ve got like 35, have I mentioned? Although I guess they wouldn't really classify
as passions, since I distractedly move from one to the other like a ferret
chasing bouncy balls on a trampoline.
So I guess I just pick something, and if it can be
considered worthwhile for at least a portion of humanity, and I can be happy
that I am doing more help than harm in the world, I should just do it. Plenty
of time for adventuring on the side, if my job doesn't include chasing falcons
or sailing about on tropical waters.
I almost sound convinced.
